I haven't a thing to wear.

'What should I wear in the morning?'

A sequence of words not normally associated with blokes is it?

Generally this is not even a thought process that they'd recognise, certainly not the night before the actual clothing is required 'on bod'. There is, however, one small % of the driving demographic that have regularly had to embrace the concept.

The Sunrisers have had their en-blat instincts discussed before, (in this post), but go back to a point before a blat actually takes place, and there's another discovery of note.....bare with me. It's all just a bit of fun. Or is it, are these people special? Or are these people?

Picture the pre-dawn grey bended figure (blending with the grey fug of his own making) stood, shakily, in a silent household. Ugly right?This is the very beginning of the transformation process that, within an hour, will have both machine and road dancing to the will of the maestro conductor : from Dribbling Dog to Driving God you might say.
If necessity is the mother etc...then what is the catalyst that would bring about this process of change?

One simple factor - it's a number:

Seven.

These days, the alarm call for a Sunrise blat requires the most insistent of ring tones to dislodge the very deepest of sleep patterns. It's an age thing, sure, but not helped by the turn of the season which has brought darkness back to where summer dawn light previously might have nudged us closer to the surface of consciousness at such a tiny numbered o'clock. With the increased darkness comes a sloth like pace and stunned confusion to add to the challenge of coaxing the unwilling flesh to the garage! So, given the expected level of incapacity and low functionality, prep and planning are all important.

I’ve seen a friend, during a hotel stay, respond to the shattering insistence of a fire alarm at 4am by running straight out of the room stark bollock naked into the corridor with the door slamming locked behind him! (This was on a stag weekend actually, in case of any troubling assumptions here.)  This was no Best Man jape, but a real alarm that had the entire Travelodge population (cheapskates, that we admit to) standing in the car park at 4 in the morning. Luckily the fire service had blankets to hide both Mr Naked's confused modesty and the sniggers of fellow budget hotel stayers.

Would that the early blat alarm had the same instant effect to have you standing, quite as rapidly, in the corridor, ideally at home, and ready to complete the shortened ablution ritual for the dawn call. No, the reality is a slow confused set of unconnected movements about the house. Careful not to tread on that creaky floorboard, set off the noisy door hinge or crash into the late night ‘temporarily placed’ wash basket at the top of the stairs.

As an aside: Not to wake the rest of the household is rule number one here. The thing is, a Sunrise Blat is designed to utilise ‘off meter’ time, ie:  Avoiding the loss of high value brownie points that are hard won, carefully banked and cashed sparingly against 'Family Peak Time' periods , this is a whole different measure of time value. So, keeping the house asleep when stumbling about for a Sunrise Blat ensures that the meter remains ‘off peak’ for just as long as you are in the house. After that the meter can run as it likes, it's out of our influence, we can't affect that... just don’t knock the meter too prematurely into 'peak' with a ‘change down cold tyre slide’ out of the drive accompanied by a full box of enthusiastic up changes all the way down the canyon of silent windowed semis! That wouldn't do. The Brownie Point cash box will have been emptied instantly without you even knowing.

So, stealth, organisation, co-ordination and contingency are key factors in keeping that meter off-peak and all are key to actually making the RV point at all. Remember, nature is against us at this hour, and so are the neighbours, cyclists, wild animals, boot sellists and horse people, each remain part of the challenge once en-Blat....but that's partly covered in this blog elsewhere, and will no doubt re-appear again under a heading like 'Bastards'.

Back to the 'what to wear' and a point some 10 hours prior to the actual need. To present that workload of choice to the barely functional form at 'alarm + 5mins', would be like a drunk selecting pizza toppings before closing time: 'All of it?' or 'none of it?'. Hardly the ideal outcome: 60 miles in and wishing for that fleece still-folded-on-the-shelf at home. Necessity, in this case, has led to the astounding development of the actual male pre-planning thought process of 'what to wear the next day'! 

Here are some of the variables:

    

Complex right?

Having to also take into consideration the weather, so as to give that carefully formulated collection of 'just the right garb' is , at best, a challenge, at worst, unfathomable.
And there isn't actually the right choice either, oh no, various combinations could work, but most combinations never do!
And rarely do the selections worn reflect a similar choice sported by anyone else...that is apart from the footwear of course.

Racing boots, 'pixie' boots or men's 'ballet' shoes are a given, it's from here upwards that divergence of the requirement is evident.

(Note: clothing success is measured purely in comfort and practicality, and never, it must be understood, to achieve elegance or to 'cut a dash' , whatever that means? No, the well dressed Sunriser did his dressing before sunrise by instinct and feel alone and, often, by scent.)
(Additional note: A regularly worn blatgarment can have exemption from the usual attendance in the wash basket for some reason. Perhaps 'cos it's only been worn for a couple of hours at a time, silly to wash it after so little time in service, right? Put it back for next time, and next time and ...
Beneficial then, that, amongst the grey shadows of slow motion thought, the sense of smell appears to remain strong to confirm the presence of that 'old favourite' in the waiting pile.

Yes, the waiting pile! Clothing seemingly selected for a purpose hours in advance of need. How did that come to be??

The night before: and a flick through various web sites for the most optimistic weather forecast. Probability calculations are made and messages are exchanged to fellow 'evolvers' into a consensus of decision that brings those new thought channels into action. Consider for one moment that this usually occurs on a Friday or Saturday night.! Come on, who's thinking about what to wear tomorrow mid flow Friday or Saturday evening?? There's beer, food and partying to do surely? Evidence now exists that fattened and gently swaying figures can be found in Seven owning households at the late stages of a weekend evening, carefully selecting clothing and garments from the depths of cupboards and wash baskets in a ritual that confirms only one thing

       The number of evolution is : Seven.
The number of the obsession is : Seven.
            The number of socks is : Seven.

Evolution is slow and not always progressive, but it remains the only explanation for this new and developing 'pre-planning clothing skill'. It is now increasingly evident in early rising Seven drivers. Like Madagascan lemurs, the world has left the Sunriser male to form behavioural patterns of it's own unique making...not all of them are necessarily acceptable or visually appealing!

I am not a number.